Come to Him

I have grown so much in the last few years, yet I still have so much to learn and a long way to go.

God has been my rock and helper, and I have continued to serve and love him in my daily life, trying to deepen my faith.

Truth be told, there have been times, over the past 7 years, when I have grown apart and even been stubborn with him, but God; my God, my maker, my father, and my friend continued to support and love me through it all.

I have reflected on his love and goodness and have seen his greatness, his might, and his mercy in so many ways, on many occasions. Whether it was comforting me on difficult days, encouraging me as I continued to pursue my education and career, guiding me to make the right decisions, answering my prayers and making heavy days lighter, not to mention forgiving me in my transgressions and picking me up when I stumbled. I have seen God's goodness in so many ways in so many areas of my life 

I still struggle with many things, but I have learned that God is faithful and merciful, loving and kind and he continues to love and support me on this life journey. In fact, just recently, and perhaps as a result of my own thoughts, I started to question God's love for me and whether he actually does love me. I figured that maybe he didn't and that he might in fact love everyone else but me (as far out as that thought might be).

For that reason, I decided to fast for just one week. I figured, at the time, one week was all I could manage, or at least as long as I felt I could last in my fast. You would never believe how God drew me into himself during that week! Yes, I still struggled, as I was fasting from certain thoughts in my mind, not a food fast, but a thought fast. I have thoughts that I realized I felt more drawn to and that comforted me, more than I was comforted and reassured by God and those very same thoughts were drawing me away from him and making me feel like he was being unfair to me. 

During my one-week fast, during the day I would try to think positive thoughts, and those I felt would please God, and bring the other thoughts, that were leading me to my own desires back to God. In the evening I would go back to God in worship and prayer, and read scripture. 

Soon I found this app, which had Biblical positive affirmations, which I started saying. It reminded me of God's promises and his word to me, and I felt like God established my identity in him, and all the insecurity and fear I kept on feeling practically vanished. I knew in my very soul that God loves me and cares for me. I could not deny it any longer. I started seeing things in the scripture I didn't see before, and didn't understand before, and it was so profound, it was as if God was lifting my confusion and replacing it with his own knowledge and understanding. He brought me back on the right path.

Then I began praying in the morning and in the evening, I became hungry for God!

Today is actually the last day of my one-week fast. I did it during this week as it was my birthday, and I felt like it was an appropriate time to reconnect with God, but during this time, as I returned my eyes to him, I felt such profound love and peace.

Maybe God is calling some of us to turn our eyes back to him. He needs to remind us of our worth and his love for us. I strongly believe that for me, fasting was a good way to do that. 

In whatever way the holy spirit leads you, I wanted to encourage you to come back to God in an intimate way. He is love. He is mercy. He is comfort. He is strength. Whatever you feel you might be lacking or you feel you need, he is rich in it, and he will give it to you because he loves you.

If you are feeling lost and can't pinpoint your feelings or what you might need to bring to God, I want to encourage you to turn back to him anyway. He can help with all your feelings and he will love you until you feel like the strong, happy and healthy person you are in the spirit, in God by Jesus' goodness and grace.

I would suggest that you start with a scripture, and maybe a prayer. It doesn't have to be long, it could be, 'God help me.' Calm your spirit and listen. Sing songs to God and praise him. Affirm his words, and soon you will feel his love springing in your spirit.

Of course, you can go back to him however you feel you need to. 

Your relationship with God is personal, he is a personal kind of God who cares about each of us in the very specific way each of us needs.

God loves you even right now, and he aways will, no matter what. Come to him.